Tag Archives: life

Goodbye July, Hello August

Posted on by

July was a good month for me, I finally broke through one of my anxiety and started walking to the gym the end of June and during July I did it 23 more times! I lost 10 pounds this past month, a few inches and I gained so much confidence. I stuck to my keto and only had a few cheat days. I checked into help for some of my mental challenges and I planned a vacation. all in all July was a win for me. so with that I wan to say good bye July!

Its finally August! My favorite month! What’s not to love about August?! Its the month before the summer turns to fall yet its still so full of sunshine and fun days. Its the month of sunflowers, it holds national watermelon day and August 6th is both National root beer float day (my favorite) and My birthday!! My daughters birthday is also in August. This August will be full to the rim for my family. We will be going on zoo trips and visiting our local petting farm, My daughters birthday, camping over my birthday weekend and A family vacation to Frankenmuth MI at the end of the month. although I have a month packed full of activity’s I still have Goals for the month such as:

  • Keeping it keto (with exception for vacation)
  • lose 10 pounds
  • work on self care
  • tidying my home Daily
  • walking more
  • save as much as possible

I’m sure there are a few more but these are the main ones. August is my month to shine!

until next time,

The Curvy Dreamer

Can we Talk?

Posted on by

I’m not entirely sure anyone is out there listing or reading but In some way righting about things… About this journey I am on, About the challenges I face both physical and mental.. just helps. What I want to talk about today sorta ties in with what I posted about in my last post about needing therapy so if you haven’t saw that one you can find it HERE.

I want to note I haven’t spoke to anyone yet…Today was one of those days, the kind that make you question everything about your existence, the kind that make you wonder how you manage to pull through every other day, the kind where you cant seam to let things in your past just be past. but let me go back because this crappy day was all because of a dream. I realize how ridiculous that sounds but let let me explain. My dreams are so vivid, so detailed, so full of emotion and feel so real that its as if my subconscious is living a life in my dreams. I know it sounds ridiculous but I don’t know another way to describe it.

For the last few years and Rather Increasingly the last few weeks I keep having these dreams of my ex and in each one they play out when he left me and that life we shared fell apart. They bring back all the feelings and all the memories I just want to forget. Although each dream has a different setting or actions the story is always the same. My mind tortures me some times several nights in a row. and sometimes My dream Puts my Current Fiancé in the place of my ex and those are the worst.

When I wake from these dreams Its feels as if I just went Through that pain from that time in my life and then I cant shake the feelings of depression and and emotionally unwell for the rest of the day or sometimes even longer. I don’t know if therapy would help with this or if its just something Ill be forced to live with but I know its something that I cant talk to anyone about and it is torture. I don’t know where thee dreams are coming from and I don’t want this hurt anymore.

Until Next Time

The Curvy Princess

I need Therapy…

Posted on by

I need Therapy… I thought that would be harder to admit but here I am laying it all out. It started a few days ago… it being the realization the I need therapy not that Caused the needing of it. In all honesty I should Have gotten therapy when my 10 year marriage suddenly ended and I didn’t and that’s a big root of the problem.

A few days ago I looked through my wedding pictures on Facebook I don’t know why… because I haven’t thought about that wedding in a long time. The pictures are in a locked album only I can see and all other photos and memories of my ex have been deleted. Now Before I go any farther into this I just want to say I am 100% happy I love my Boyfriend and my Daughter and Our life. I would not change what I have for anything. That Being said I have moments where I randomly think about my ex and our life we had, the memories pop up uninvited and un wanted and I feel like every place I go I am looking around to see if my ex might be around, and as much as this probably makes me sound like a stalker I sometimes Look at his Facebook. I just want to forget him, I want to forget that relationship and I want to forget every memory with him. It’s coming up on 3 years since the relationship ended I just want it to be like it never existed.

Although that is the biggest reason its not the only one. Second is because I have been feeling like I am alone as far as friends. I have been feeling so Alienated and as if no one actually wants to be around me or be friends with me… Even my two best friends. Now I understand that people have their own life’s to live and that we all get busy. But when I am constantly reaching out and trying to see my friends and get nothing but blown off time after time it makes me think that I’m just not worth their time and its something I am struggling with so much. A thought even crossed my mind that my best friend doesn’t want to spend any time with me because she is upset that My health journey is going so well like she cant be friends with me because I make her feel bad about her own body and her goals.

The last reason… Well not last but last I’m going to talk about is how i see my self. I lave lots of self love but when I look at myself I cant see how far all of my hard work has taken me like everyone else see is. I have lost 40 pounds and dropped from a size 26 to a size 20. The evidence is in how my close fit but yet I cant see it and I often feel like I am not doing enough I often just feel so fat and sure I have days where my confidence is to the roof and I know I have so far to go yet its just hard.

So I’m going to get some Therapy because Mental health is another part of the journey.

Until next time,

The curvy princess

Building Good Habits

Posted on by

Its been a little over a month since I have rote and that’s because for a while there I had Nothing to talk about. I was going through the same cycles I had been. Still doing keto although I fell off the wagon for almost a week mid June. I was still struggling a little bit with my mental health and still working on myself best I could. But now I have some news to share!

I’m sure I have mentioned this before (or not?) but I live fairly close to a gym and I have talked about how I wanted to start walking there to work out but My anxiety was getting in the way. Well June 28th I did it! I got enough courage an I walked to the gym! A total of one and a half miles there and back! the first few times I was full of anxiety but Now I have made the trip almost a dozen times and not only am I confident about it I love it! I really feel as if the walk does my Brain some good. Its to the point now that I look forward to going to the gym and Its all I can think about for most of the day. It feels So Good to get back to moving again and doing something I can be proud of and that is good for my body.

I have been working on cardio for at least 20 min each time I go to the gym along with tanning and total body enhancement (idk if it actually does anything tho) and as of yesterday have started to add in some weights. I am still learning to juggle all of the things in my daily life along with my almost 2 hours at the gym (counting the total 40 min walking time) and I’m working on building other good habits every day!

until next time

The Curvy Dreamer!

A relationship with food…

Posted on by

My relationship with food has always been Rocky and I’m sure some of you car relate. I thought keto would Improve this for me but I was wrong in some ways. The even that brought me to this realization was Camping. My little and I went camping with my grandma, Aunt, sister, and cousins. we left for cam Tuesday morning and were meant to stay till Friday but my little and I came home Wednesday due to it being to cold during the night. Anyways I decided that I would let myself have a non keto treat during camp. when we went to the store I first could not bring myself to chose anything that was along the lines of unhealthy. Then last min I just grabbed some of my old favorites and tossed them in the cart. then later that night When almost everyone was asleep I Binged on junk… Donuts, cookies, chips, chocolate and 3 smores.

I felt absolutely terrible about myself… but then I didn’t because I thought back to when we were at the store and I realized how hard it was for me to chose something that was unhealthy for myself. Yes I did have a junk Binge but I have not had Sugar or junk since Easter that’s 74 days. When I look back before I made my keto decision I could fill a cart with snacks and junk think nothing of it. I didn’t eat strict junk but I at a lot of it, and I ate to fill my feelings. But yet I would eat and I would feel so guilty for what I just did. and the kicker is I felt guilty no matter what I ate.

The relationship I have with food is so much more mindful since starting Keto. I don’t look at eating the same way I don’t feel ashamed of eating and I stop and I think about what I am putting in my body now. I look at the nutrition label, I watch the sugars, I read the top Ingredients. Before I didn’t care and now I do. my relationship with food is Improving and It took a Binge for me to realize it.

Until next time

The Curvy Princess

3 mile walk challenge

Posted on by

Today I was on YouTube and came across a video of someone doing a walking workout made by another youtuber. She was sayin that the workout was supposed to burn between 300-600 calories or something like that and yet was not a super hard workout. I was intrigued for a few reasons. One being that doing the Ring fit challenge I was only burring around 60 calories and It just wasn’t adding up to results for me. second reason is that I like to try new things and decided what works for me so I did!

You can find the Video HERE. Its By a creator Called GrowWithJo. When I first clicked on her Energy was amazing It made me Excited and Ready to get into it! Grow with Jo Also Mentioned you can see results in one workout. I didn’t test this however because With my Access weight I didn’t think it would be visible. When the Workout started I Was Enjoying myself from the beginning! I loved the up beat music The creator was playing and felt as if it really kept me going! there was also A counter that Kept track of how many seconds left before changing moves and that also helped me a lot.

Although I was only really enjoying myself I was only able to make it through 25 min of the 60 min workout before my legs literally could not carry on…. but I Burned 436 calories and my heartrate was in cardio or fat burn zones the hole time. Whereas when I do my Ring fit I barley get into fat burn zone. So I think I want to do a challenge With this workout and Drop the Ring Fit Challenge for now (Don’t hate me lol) I don’t want to be that person that doesn’t fallow through but I also really need to find something that’s going to work best for me in my journey. So the First Challenge is to actually get through a full 60 min. I also would like to do this 3x a week but I don’t want to set anything in stone just yet! If you are looking for a nice work out check out GrowwithJo and This Video. And if you would like me to check out any other Fitness related things leave me a comment!

Until Next Time

The Curvy Dreamer

Waist Beads

Posted on by

This is a post I have been Reluctant on posting for some time now But I have decided that Because Waist beads are a big part of my weight Loss journey that Its something I want to talk about.

Waist Beads are Traditionally from Africa and are Symbols of femininity, sexuality, fertility, healing, spirituality, womanhood, body shaping, wealth and protection. In Ghanaian naming ceremonies, babies wear waist beads. Young adults would wear waist beads on their waists and hips as a sign of femininity. These beads are believed to have the ability to attract and create deep emotional responses as well as keep the waist small and show off the hips. Waist beads are also worn for Celebrations like weddings. I encourage anyone wanting to know more to research African Waist beads.

I use my waist beads in my weight loss journey for a few different things. Every time I lose 10 pounds I gift myself a strand of beads I find it as motivation to Work hard to stay on track and earn my next strand. I also feel like they give me confidence. As I Continue on my journey my beads have fallen lower and I love it. I have 4 strands now, meaning I have lost 40 pounds. I feel as if I have a deep connection with my beads. Possibly because I know the Origin behind them or perhaps because they symbolize my journey or because I made them myself. All I really know is I have a connection to them. I did have one strand That I did not feel a connection to and I chose to Replace it with a new one. My waist beads are always Comfortable on me and I would recommend them to anyone who wants to try them.

Until Next Time,

The curvy Dreamer

I suck at this.

Posted on by

Yup I suck at this. What do I suck at ? Pretty much all of it lol. I want to do 100% real with everyone who happens to stumble Upon My blog and with myself. I don’t pretend to know it all or be on top of it all or be perfect and I’m honest about it and to be honest I suck at things and I’m ok with it.

What brings me to this topic is this morning… As you might know I’m trying to do a 30 day Ring fit challenge. Then thing is My body hurts! It hurts because for the last SEVERAL months I did nothing but sit in my home. Now I’m so busy doing so much that Most mornings I feel like I have been hit by a buss! lets rewind. Last weekend I was so excited to get through my first week of ring fit but it kicked my butt! Yet for some ungodly unknown reason I decided It was a good time to clean and re Organize my Garage…It took 2 full days Sunday and Monday then I was to sore I didn’t want to move for nearly 3 days! so there went week 2 (insert face palm here) Then this past weekend My hunny and I decided to build a fence to keep the pups out the garden, That paired with Man handling Bags of soil and gardening all weekend once again this morning I feel Like I been hit by a buss. Even typing hurts! So I am absolutely Sucking at this ring fit challenge but I’m not giving up. Ill re start if need be!

Although my weight loss is in full swing and My keto is going well there is many aspects of this journey that I suck at. Like Water intake, Tracking all my food, taking my medication and my vitamins, Staying off the scale, posting in my blog regularly, and even some self care stuff but that ties into my Mental health to… something I also suck at. But I guess its important to be able to admit to myself and all of you that I’m not perfect! but I promise I wont stop trying!

Untill Next time,

The Curvy Dreamer

Goodbye May Hello June!

Posted on by

May has always been one of my favorite months. Its the month both of my parents were born, It holds mothers day and even the anniversary of my divorce (and yes I celebrate that) In my town May marks the beginning of Fairs and festivals season although this year my favorite fair was canceled yet again… And The end of may is when my garden starts to go in and we start to go to the Farmers Market regularly.

May was good to me in a lot of ways. As far as my Weight loss Journey I lost 11 pounds. Less than my first month of keto But still very good. Its also worth noting it may be a few pounds more because the last time I weighted myself in April was the 20th and the first time in may Was the 8th. I also Lose a few inches in May 6 to be exact! 4 off my stomach and 2 off my hips. I worked out 7 times. Not exactly good… but Better than the previous months 0 times. I fallowed through with all of my goals for May and I am proud of myself!! Goodbye May see you next year!

That brings us to June! June is another month I am very fond of. June means warmer weather and Being outside. June is the mark of the second half of the year and I know that this second half will bring a better healthier me! Ill be getting a new Bullet Journal for this half of the year (and actually trying to use it more)

For June I have a few new goals such as

  • Continuing my keto
  • 10,000 steps 3x a week
  • At home exercise
  • Getting the courage to walk to the gym
  • Working on mental health
  • Working on bills and Budget
  • Planning My Littles Birthday party

I also would like to practice driving more and Try to go hiking once a week. I really want to buckle down this month and do whatever I can to lose more weight because…. well summer!

Until next time!

The curvy Dreamer

Self care

Posted on by

Self care isn’t far off from self love. Both are Important and Both I struggle with. I know self care is important because If You give and give and never put back into yourself you end up empty and run down. But knowing about how important self care is and actually Doing it are so different. A week or so I talked about learning to love myself and I’m still trying to do a lot of the things I talked about but Honestly Its so Hard sometimes… Most of the time really. Its particularly hard to practice self care and self love when you don’t really know who you are.

I struggle with who I am often, I wish I was someone different almost every day and to be clear it has nothing to do with my family I would not change that for the world but I sit and I thing of the person I want to be and I get so down on myself because I’m not that person. I know there are people who are going say just be who you want be, but Its Like its impossible for me and a lot of times I truly hate who I am. I’m an awkward sort of person, I’m to loud, I’m weird. I’m not beautiful or skinny, I’m not wild and Adventurous, I’m not smart, or creative, ambitious, or driven, social, or fun. Who am I? I don’t really know.

When you feel like I do about myself You can practice all the self care and self love but Its Like Drawing a picture with a white crayon You know you did it but its not actually changing the big picture. At this point I almost feel as though I should seek some Counseling but At the same time I think this is something I have to work through on my own and it may be a difficult journey But I have to keep pushing.

Until next time,

The Curvy Dreamer