Category Archives: depression

Can we Talk?

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I’m not entirely sure anyone is out there listing or reading but In some way righting about things… About this journey I am on, About the challenges I face both physical and mental.. just helps. What I want to talk about today sorta ties in with what I posted about in my last post about needing therapy so if you haven’t saw that one you can find it HERE.

I want to note I haven’t spoke to anyone yet…Today was one of those days, the kind that make you question everything about your existence, the kind that make you wonder how you manage to pull through every other day, the kind where you cant seam to let things in your past just be past. but let me go back because this crappy day was all because of a dream. I realize how ridiculous that sounds but let let me explain. My dreams are so vivid, so detailed, so full of emotion and feel so real that its as if my subconscious is living a life in my dreams. I know it sounds ridiculous but I don’t know another way to describe it.

For the last few years and Rather Increasingly the last few weeks I keep having these dreams of my ex and in each one they play out when he left me and that life we shared fell apart. They bring back all the feelings and all the memories I just want to forget. Although each dream has a different setting or actions the story is always the same. My mind tortures me some times several nights in a row. and sometimes My dream Puts my Current Fiancé in the place of my ex and those are the worst.

When I wake from these dreams Its feels as if I just went Through that pain from that time in my life and then I cant shake the feelings of depression and and emotionally unwell for the rest of the day or sometimes even longer. I don’t know if therapy would help with this or if its just something Ill be forced to live with but I know its something that I cant talk to anyone about and it is torture. I don’t know where thee dreams are coming from and I don’t want this hurt anymore.

Until Next Time

The Curvy Princess

Self care

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Self care isn’t far off from self love. Both are Important and Both I struggle with. I know self care is important because If You give and give and never put back into yourself you end up empty and run down. But knowing about how important self care is and actually Doing it are so different. A week or so I talked about learning to love myself and I’m still trying to do a lot of the things I talked about but Honestly Its so Hard sometimes… Most of the time really. Its particularly hard to practice self care and self love when you don’t really know who you are.

I struggle with who I am often, I wish I was someone different almost every day and to be clear it has nothing to do with my family I would not change that for the world but I sit and I thing of the person I want to be and I get so down on myself because I’m not that person. I know there are people who are going say just be who you want be, but Its Like its impossible for me and a lot of times I truly hate who I am. I’m an awkward sort of person, I’m to loud, I’m weird. I’m not beautiful or skinny, I’m not wild and Adventurous, I’m not smart, or creative, ambitious, or driven, social, or fun. Who am I? I don’t really know.

When you feel like I do about myself You can practice all the self care and self love but Its Like Drawing a picture with a white crayon You know you did it but its not actually changing the big picture. At this point I almost feel as though I should seek some Counseling but At the same time I think this is something I have to work through on my own and it may be a difficult journey But I have to keep pushing.

Until next time,

The Curvy Dreamer

Finding Confidence and self Love!

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So Yesterday I cut my hair. Your probably thinking ok big deal…. BUT I have not had a hair cut since I was about 14 years old. Sure I have had a trim every so often, the last one being nearly 3 years ago and the one before about 5 years ago. Its safe to say Hair Salons and I just don’t mix. Well I had been feeling so Down on myself and I couldn’t shake it. It was to the extent That I hated who I was and There was nothing about myself that I liked when at one point my hair was the only thing I did like about myself. So I got it cut. I had around 12-15 inches taken off and Its is now to the middle of my back. I also had it styled in the front and I am Obsesed with my new look. I wish I had some photos to share but I don’t. I know Its just hair and I know it wont turn my mental health around but Its A step.

Im also taking other small steps to get on the right track to mental health a few examples….

I’m drinking my coffee outside every morning that I have the chance to. This is a very small step but I think it could be good for me because I often forget to get outside and get some fresh air. I also got a new coffee Cup that Says Love Yo Self and its perfect. I’m also going to be spending more time outside because My garden is going in and I’m so excited!

I’m taking a well deserved shower every night. As much as I hate to admit it being a mom I don’t get a chance to take care of myself every day Like I should and Like I use to. When you have littles doing things like taking a shower is a Luxury that simply doesn’t automatically happen every day. It literally takes planning. I have decided that my little will ether be going to bed early or my husband will be on little one duty every night an hour before usual bed time so I can Have that much needed me time. As bad as I feel for doing so I need to put myself first for once so I feel Like I am an Actual person again.

Lastly I’m trying to exercise and this is a big one because Exercise makes you feel good and it will go hand in hand with My Keto,

If you have any advise for me please leave me a comment I cant tell u how much it would mean to me.

Until next time,

The Curvy Dreamer

Sometimes its a mental thing.

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Have you ever wondered why you try? Why you care? or What’s the point? Well, that’s exactly where I’m at. I’ve been struggling to make a post on this blog for over a month now. Even though I am doing things to better my life And I wanna tell you all about them. If there’s anybody even there that is. I’m going to try my best to get back to This, even if it’s just once every 2 weeks. With the warmer season coming, getting out and getting into the sun might be better for my mental health. Plus in just a couple weeks, I’ll be putting my garden in And we know how well that went last year. Talk to you guys about my new keto journey And all the big plans I have this year. Also, it’s nice to reflect back on the years past. So stay tuned and if anybody is actually there, drop me a comment And I’ll talk to you next time.