I need Therapy… I thought that would be harder to admit but here I am laying it all out. It started a few days ago… it being the realization the I need therapy not that Caused the needing of it. In all honesty I should Have gotten therapy when my 10 year marriage suddenly ended and I didn’t and that’s a big root of the problem.

A few days ago I looked through my wedding pictures on Facebook I don’t know why… because I haven’t thought about that wedding in a long time. The pictures are in a locked album only I can see and all other photos and memories of my ex have been deleted. Now Before I go any farther into this I just want to say I am 100% happy I love my Boyfriend and my Daughter and Our life. I would not change what I have for anything. That Being said I have moments where I randomly think about my ex and our life we had, the memories pop up uninvited and un wanted and I feel like every place I go I am looking around to see if my ex might be around, and as much as this probably makes me sound like a stalker I sometimes Look at his Facebook. I just want to forget him, I want to forget that relationship and I want to forget every memory with him. It’s coming up on 3 years since the relationship ended I just want it to be like it never existed.

Although that is the biggest reason its not the only one. Second is because I have been feeling like I am alone as far as friends. I have been feeling so Alienated and as if no one actually wants to be around me or be friends with me… Even my two best friends. Now I understand that people have their own life’s to live and that we all get busy. But when I am constantly reaching out and trying to see my friends and get nothing but blown off time after time it makes me think that I’m just not worth their time and its something I am struggling with so much. A thought even crossed my mind that my best friend doesn’t want to spend any time with me because she is upset that My health journey is going so well like she cant be friends with me because I make her feel bad about her own body and her goals.

The last reason… Well not last but last I’m going to talk about is how i see my self. I lave lots of self love but when I look at myself I cant see how far all of my hard work has taken me like everyone else see is. I have lost 40 pounds and dropped from a size 26 to a size 20. The evidence is in how my close fit but yet I cant see it and I often feel like I am not doing enough I often just feel so fat and sure I have days where my confidence is to the roof and I know I have so far to go yet its just hard.

So I’m going to get some Therapy because Mental health is another part of the journey.

Until next time,

The curvy princess