Do you ever feel like you cant be happy? I feel like the worst possible person for having this thought. Its not like I am unhappy, I love my life but I also find happiness hard to grasp. Yes I know I’m not making since. let me try to explain. I’m a mom of a toddler. I love to be a mother. I love to be a wife. Here’s the the thing when I was 18 I got married and stayed married for 9 years. Big deal young people get married all the time right? I never had children with my first husband. The problem is my ex was very controlling and I basically missed out on 9 years of my youth and freedom. Les then a year after my First marriage I Was engaged to the love of my life and became a stay at home mother. To be perfectly clear I love to be a mom and I love my child more than anything. But I feel so trapped. My boyfriend is a social butterfly he has so many friends. I have 2. He is always invited to party’s and to do this and that and I’m the one home with our child. Now I realize this makes my Boyfriend sound like of of them guys who isn’t around and that’s not the case at all. He is a fantastic Father and an amazing man. He works hard every day and does everything for us. The thing is he was a single man for 30 years so he takes his chances to go out. Being a mom, a stay at home mom who doesn’t drive at that (nither of us drive tho) I just don’t get the chance.

I have been on this mission to find my happy but When I think about doing things to make me happy I realize that I cant do those things because I have a child to take care of… And Its not just that. Not having any friends takes its tole also. I went as far as to look up a 30 day mental health challenges. But when I saw things like spend time with friends I just felt lost already. It makes me feel like its more of a I don’t have friends thing than an I’m always tied down with my child thing. (again love being a mom) I have been learning to drive so hopefully that will help. If my anxiety doesn’t get in the way. I’m going to try my best to get my mental health on track and start with a 30 day mental health challenge.